In an era where our phones, computers, and smart home devices track nearly every aspect of our lives, concerns about digital surveillance during divorce proceedings are increasingly common—and valid. If you suspect your spouse may be monitoring your online activity, communications, or location, this guide will help you understand the signs, protect yourself, and take appropriate action.
Why Digital Surveillance Happens During Divorce
Unfortunately, divorce can bring out the worst in people. A spouse may try to monitor your activities for various reasons:
- Gathering evidence: They may be looking for information to use in custody disputes or asset division
- Control: Monitoring can be a form of continued control in an abusive relationship
- Jealousy: They may suspect you're in a new relationship
- Financial concerns: They may be tracking spending or looking for hidden assets
Regardless of the motivation, unauthorized surveillance is often illegal and always a violation of your privacy. Understanding how to protect yourself is essential.
Signs Your Spouse May Be Monitoring You
On Your Phone
- Your battery drains unusually fast (spyware uses significant power)
- Your phone runs hot even when not in use
- Unexplained data usage increases
- Your spouse knows details about conversations or locations they shouldn't know
- Apps appear that you didn't install
- Your phone takes longer to shut down
On Your Computer
- Browser history shows sites you didn't visit
- Programs or applications you didn't install appear
- Your computer is slower than usual
- The cursor moves on its own occasionally
- Your webcam light turns on unexpectedly
In Your Home
- Smart home devices respond strangely
- Your spouse seems to know when you come and go
- They know details about conversations you had at home
For iPhone Users: Apple's Safety Features
Apple has implemented several features specifically designed to help users identify and prevent unauthorized tracking:
Safety Check (iOS 16 and later)
This feature lets you quickly review and reset access you've granted to others:
- Go to Settings → Privacy & Security → Safety Check
- Choose "Manage Sharing & Access" for a guided review
- Or select "Emergency Reset" to immediately revoke all access
Safety Check reviews:
- People with access to your location
- Apps with access to your data
- Devices connected to your Apple ID
- Trusted phone numbers for account recovery
AirTag and Find My Network Alerts
If someone has placed an AirTag or other Find My-compatible tracker on you:
- Your iPhone will alert you if an unknown AirTag is traveling with you
- You can play a sound to locate the tracker
- Go to Settings → Privacy & Security → Location Services → System Services → Find My iPhone to manage settings
App Privacy Report
Review which apps are accessing your data:
- Go to Settings → Privacy & Security → App Privacy Report
- Review app activity including location access, camera and microphone use, and contact access
Check for Configuration Profiles
Spyware often requires a configuration profile to be installed:
- Go to Settings → General → VPN & Device Management
- If you see any profiles you don't recognize, this could indicate monitoring software
Immediate Steps to Protect Yourself
1. Create a New, Private Email Address
Set up a new email account that your spouse doesn't know about:
- Use a device your spouse has never had access to (a friend's phone, library computer, new phone)
- Create an entirely new account (Gmail, ProtonMail for extra security)
- Use this address for all divorce-related communications
- Don't access it on shared devices
2. Review Account Access
Check all your accounts for unauthorized access:
- Google: Account → Security → Your devices and Recent security activity
- Apple: Settings → Your Name → Devices to see all signed-in devices
- Social media: Review login history and active sessions in each platform's security settings
- Bank accounts: Check for authorized users and linked accounts
3. Change Passwords Strategically
When changing passwords:
- Do it from a secure device your spouse hasn't accessed
- Use strong, unique passwords for each account
- Consider a password manager
- Enable two-factor authentication
- Be aware that sudden password changes might alert your spouse
4. Consider Device Security
If you believe spyware is installed:
- A factory reset is the most reliable way to remove it, but back up important data first
- After resetting, don't restore from a backup that might contain the spyware
- Consider getting a new phone if possible
Resources and Support
National Resources
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
- Safety Net project: nnedv.org/content/safety-net/ - Technology safety resources
- Apple Support for Safety: support.apple.com/guide/personal-safety
Legal Considerations
Unauthorized surveillance may violate federal and state laws, including:
- The Federal Wiretap Act
- The Stored Communications Act
- State eavesdropping and surveillance laws
Document any evidence of surveillance and share it with your attorney. This information could be relevant to your divorce proceedings and may constitute grounds for criminal charges against your spouse.
Creating a Safety Plan
If you're concerned about surveillance, work with a domestic violence advocate or attorney to create a comprehensive safety plan that includes:
- Secure communication methods
- Safe devices for sensitive activities
- Documentation strategies
- Emergency protocols
Moving Forward
Digital surveillance during divorce is a serious violation of privacy and potentially illegal. While it's important to protect yourself, it's equally important to work with professionals—attorneys, advocates, and technology experts—who can help you navigate this challenging situation safely and legally.
Remember: you have the right to privacy, and there are resources available to help you protect it. Don't hesitate to reach out for support.